Laughter erupted from the small living room, wild smiles bright on everyone's faces. My eyes caught Lou Ellen's and her grin spread even wider. The night was more than what we'd expected, even better than we had hoped. I had never felt so comfortable and open in a house before. Nemo's parents didn't care what you said or what you did, they just let you be. It was a concept I wasn't used to at all, my family being somewhat of the opposite, and it was both fascinating and encouraging to me. I was being more "myself" than I usually allowed. And I liked it. Almost as if she could sense this, Lou nodded her head at me. Getting up from the narrow bench lining the opposite wall, she motioned for me to follow her, and led me into the room where my life was about to change.
Sarah sat on her bed, smoking what had to have been at least her sixth cigarette that night. Happy and tipsy with cherry vodka, she insisted we sit down with her, reached over to the side table beside her, and pulled out an old wooden box. Inside was a multicolored velvet bag on top of some old yellowed book. She looked up at us with a huge grin on her face. "You want me to do a reading for you?" she asked in almost childlike excitement. I had heard of tarot cards and such before, but not enough for me to guess that was what she was talking about. Instead we sat there in silence, staring at her, wondering what on earth she meant. But Sarah seemed undaunted by this, carefully pulled the cards from her bag, and set them on the bed in front of us.
She did Lou Ellen's reading first. I sat next to them on the bed in silence and in awe, completely captivated and astonished by what was happening in front of me. The reading seemed to be perfect. Without hesitation, Sarah looked at the ten cards that Lou had carefully chosen, and proceeded to tell her everything she felt, and everything she had in store for her. She squealed in excitement when she turned over one of the cards. A straight faced man sitting on a throne, with a purple cape around him and a huge sword in his hand stared back at us, the words "King of Swords" written beneath him. "This is Nemo's card," Sarah whispered. The Lovers card was soon to follow, and others pointing towards their relationship continuing and prospering. Dear Sarah was practically jumping up and down she was so excited. You might think it was partially from the alcohol. But I don't think so. I think she was just really that excited to think of her son marrying Lou.
It's kind of ironic that I don't remember my reading near as well as I do Lou Ellen's. Maybe because there were some things in it that I didn't agree with and that I didn't want to think about. But that didn't stop me from thinking about those cards. They were on my mind the rest of the night, and all into the next morning. Their pictures filled my mind, almost daring me to try and figure them out. The next afternoon I practically ran up the stairs to my dorm room, threw my suitcase on the floor, and got online. I wanted to know everything I could, and I quickly ran across a website that told me just that.
I spent everyday afterward looking at that website, and it wasn't long before I made my way to the nearest head shop to buy my own Rider-Waite deck. I held my breath the first time I opened it, and I was so excited I could hardly contain it. It looked just like Sarah's, only newer. I also bought the book that she had in that wooden box, and started studying it. Things were moving pretty quickly and my obsession was quickly growing. I knew that my parents probably wouldn't approve of this, and the christian dorm that I lived in definitely wouldn't either. But somehow it didn't matter. I knew that they weren't evil.
I don't believe that tarot cards can tell the future. And if you do, that's perfectly fine, as we're all entitled to our own opinions and I wholeheartedly respect that. I personally don't think they can. But I really believe that they help you get in touch with your Inner Self; with your subconscious mind. And I also think that they can be used as signs. I pray before I do a reading, and ask that God let me see and know whatever it is He wants me to see and know. It's an opportunity for God to speak to me, with a lot clearer message.
A couple weeks ago I went to my boyfriend's house and he surprised me with a deck I'd been eying, the Shadowscapes deck. Since I've started reading with them, my obsession has gotten even greater and my readings all the better. They seem to speak to me so much more than the other deck, with a lot more fluid answers. They think like me, if you will. That night I did my first reading on someone other than the myself. My boyfriend Tyler seemed to really enjoy it, and thought I did a good job reading about his issue. The deck also came with a book that I've been reading every chance I get.
And that's where I am now. Tarot has really opened some doors for me, and started getting me to think about things differently. And honestly, I'm really excited about it. I decided to start writing this blog as a way for me to express what I'm going through and how I'm feeling on my journey with tarot. Who knows if anyone besides myself will ever read this, but if they do...if you are, then I hope you enjoy it. These are my raw feelings on the issues in my life and how I'm using these cards to help me stay balanced in this insane world. And with that, we shall begin...
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