I'm Sorry!

So sorry it's been so long since I've posted!! :( Unfortunately I've been sick this whole past month. Not really sure with what, but I'm finally starting to feel better. Very exciting news in the tarot world--I finally got up the courage to offer readings for free to people on my favorite forum! (Spiritual Forums) I'm really excited. I've only done a few since I've been sick, but they seem to be realy helping! I'm so excited to finally really be able to spread the tarot love. I haven't done a reading for myself in a while though. It's weird. My boyfriend and I got in kind of a big fight this past week, but I just couldn't bring myself to ask the cards about it. I'm not sure why. It was rather curious. Things are better between the two of us now, and I almost want to try a reading on the conflict now that it's over....kind of weird.

I also got a new reading cloth that I'm really excited about! Before I was reading on one of my scarves because it was the only thing I had. But I'm really excited about it! I couldn't fit the whole thing in the picture because it's too big, but here it is! Isn't it pretty?Big Picture    Close Up

In other news, I've been trying to get back in touch with my Rider-Waite deck. I really do love it. I just forget sometimes cuz the Shadowscapes is purty. :P

Going Back!

Tomorrow morning we're heading for the beach! I'm very excited and, of course, taking my cards. :) Just wanted to pop on here and say that I'll be gone for 12ish days, on the off chance that someone actually reads this. Til then. ♥

The Romantic Knight

A couple days ago, I took a look at The Knight of Swords. Today I'm going to take a look at his opposite, The Knight of Cups.

The Knight of Cups is one my favorite cards. (And this isn't just because it's my boyfriend's card. :P) Stephanie's art in this card is just....breathtaking. We see a man, or perhaps more of a boy, riding through the crashing waves on a unicorn, heading towards a glowing goblet, surrounded by little creatures, almost fairy like. The same creatures weave in and out of the waves. The Knight of Cups is a romantic, somewhat of a hopeless romantic in fact. He's an artist, a musician, a poet, and a lover. He is locked in a constant journey towards everything the goblet has to offer, everything that the suit of cups stands for. It is always on his mind, almost like an obsession. He is chasing his dreams. The creature he rides stands for power and energy. He is white, representing purity and a sense of spirit. The Knight of Cups is sensitive and imaginative, usually an introvert.. However, he is also often moody, temperamental, and unrealistic. He is the opposite of the Knight of Swords, who doesn't let emotions in his way, by sometimes letting his emotions consume him. But as a lover, he is the deepest and most loyal you'll ever have.

 I always associate The Knight of Cups with the Chariot, though this is not necessarily "right" or always the case. The Chariot is associated with the astrological sign Cancer. My boyfriend, Tyler, is a Cancer. When I first got into tarot, I spent hours reading the different descriptions of the Court Cards, trying to match them with people I know. The minute I read The Knight of Cups, I knew it was him. At the time, I only had my Rider-Waite deck, and while I enjoy those pictures, they've never been as compelling to me as the Shadowscapes. When he gave me the deck as a present, I immediately started looking through the deck. I was shocked to see the similarities between the two cards. They're both surrounded by crashing waves, riding with or on unicorns, cards of power and energy, purity and spirit. The two cards are connected in my mind, bound to him, and they both appear in readings for him frequently. As a side note, I also find it interesting that there are turtles around the crab, almost as if they're watching over it. They're reminiscent of the turtles in The Queen of Cups, which just happens to be my card.

Bookstore

I had the chance to buy the Gilded Tarot deck for pretty cheap today, and I turned it down. Hopefully I'm not going to regret that decision. I just couldn't get with the picture on the front...it kind of creeped me out. But I wasn't allowed to open the seal to look at the whole deck, so who knows if the rest of it would've spoken to me. I would've ran home to look it up online but the store is all the way across town from where I live. I almost bought it because I thought I might as well, but I already have two decks and it's been a little overwhelming at times for me to try and learn the two...I was afraid adding a third would make it all the worse. I don't know. I don't regret it yet, but I don't exactly not regret it either. I guess we'll see!

In other news, I did readings for my sister's birthday party Friday night. It was the first time I've ever done readings for other people 1) with my Rider-Waite deck and 2) for people that I don't know really well/at all. It was...interesting. Some of them went really well. There were two girls who I know definitely got something out of their readings. But the others....they were just okay. There was nothing wrong with them really, there just weren't any big aha! oh my gosh moments. But I suppose I can't always have those. I'm not sure if it was me not being a good reader or their lack of enthusiasm. Probably a little of both, honestly. But I'm just going to chalk it up to being a good experience, and move on. It did make me realize that I really need to study the Pentacles suit more. I don't draw Pentacles that often, so I don't know those cards NEAR as well as I do, say, the suit of cups. Silly me, thinking because I don't, that other people wouldn't draw them! :P

To end, I'm going to do a discussion on The Knight of Swords. Three of the six girls I read for Friday night drew this card (the cards were shuffled really good, I promise! They also weren't back to back...). I thought this was very interesting. So, The Knight of Swords. 

 The picture on the right is from the Shadowscapes deck and the one on the left is the Rider-Waite. (I thought I'd include both decks, since I did the readings that night with the Rider-Waite.) The Knight of Swords is the only knight in the R-W who's on a horse that is running. The knight is forward, blunt, and commanding. He is logical and does not let emotions stand in his way. He is very intelligent, and not afraid to tell you so. If he feels you are being illogical or "emotional," he'll tell you, and not all too gently. The Knight of Swords is described as the hero who rushes into battle. He doesn't often "look before he leaps," so to speak. Instead he just says what he thinks (or as he would put it, what he knows), slicing his sword through anyone who dares say otherwise. He knows what he wants and will do anything to attain that, even if that means being hard as stone and closing his mind to everything else. In the book that came with my Shadowscapes deck, this poem is given with the knight.

 

Lift me up spirits of Sky
grant me keen sight of Hawk
swiftness of Sparrow
grant me insight of Raven
brave heartbeat of Hummingbird
bear me up with grace on wings of Swan
guide me with visions of wisdom from Owl

Ocean Waves

So sorry I haven't posted in so long! Things got very hectic with the end of school and start of vacation! I just got back from the beach with a very close friend of mine, Max. We had a truly wonderful time. Of course, I brought my cards with me. I did several readings for the two of us over the course of the week, but one sticks out in my mind in particular. I can't remember the exact cards, but I do remember that it was a spread about the relationship between he and his father. We went through the process, he shuffled and chose his cards, and I laid them out in their positions, and began to read them. But from the very beginning, something just didn't feel "right". He felt the same way. There were no aha! moments, no light bulbs clicking in his head. It was almost as if they weren't the right cards...we moved from card to card, but none of them seemed to fit correctly. And then it hit me. What if I had a laid them out in the wrong order...what if the card I started with was supposed to be the card that I ended with?
"Just go with me here for a second," I said, as I began to look at the cards in the reversed order. Suddenly they all seemed to snap right into place! The reading seemed to come to life, and things just started spilling out of me. I kept talking and watched as his eyes grew wider and he began to nod, giving me more confidence that my thoughts were correct. I've never had that happen before, where the cards were laid out backwards! But that was definitely the case here. The only reason I even thought of it was because I vaguely remembered Sarah mentioning it to me once. It was really interesting though that it really happened!

The other reading that sticks out in my mind was a dream spread that I did on myself one night, after Max and everyone else had already gone to bed. A couple nights before we left, I had a dream that I was on the beach and suddenly a huge tornado came and we had to run for our lives. We managed to survive, but everyone else died. I have a huge fear of tornadoes, almost to the point of impractical, and the dream really shook me up. I woke up trembling and couldn't get back to sleep for a little bit, until I finally calmed myself down, telling myself that it was just a nightmare and not a big deal. I thought I would forget about it, but for some reason I just couldn't get the dream out of my head. Unfortunately I was so busy cleaning and packing, I hadn't found a spare moment to do a spread about it until that night. As I was shuffling, I said a little prayer to God. "Please, just give me insight on this...why did I have this dream?" The first card I drew was supposed to signify what I already understood about the dream. I don't know why I'm still so shocked when tarot is accurate, but I found myself staring at this card in disbelief. I had drawn the Five of Cups. A girl stands all alone by the shores of the sea, staring out at the water, the exact kind of place where I had been standing in my dream. The swirls behind her head don't look like a tornado, but in the context of my dream, I knew that's what it stood for. The card itself stands for sorrow, loss, and rejection; a very sad card. Despite my past success, I had seriously been doubting the tarot about this one. What could it possibly tell me about some dream I had like a week ago? In all honesty, I was really only doing the spread as a desperate attempt to get some answers. Kind of a "oh hell, I'll just see what it says" sort of thing. But the first card definitely changed all of that. I was definitely hooked now. I began to turn over my other cards.

The Two of Cups. A card I often draw. It symbolizes two things to me. The first is obviously relationships, and growth within them. But I love the Shadowscapes deck because this card means something more to me than it does in any other deck. At the bottom of the card is the Pisces symbol, the two fish swimming in different directions. I'm a Pisces, so I've always felt a connection to this card. This card position symbolized the hidden and deeper meaning behind my dream. I immediately knew that the tornado was symbolizing my inner conflict that supposedly every Pisces faces...the choice between swimming away and escaping inside one's self, or stepping forth and facing reality. I don't know if this is true of all Pisceans, but it is definitely true of me. It's something that's been on my mind a lot lately as well, so it makes sense for it to come up in my dream. I also love that this is another "water card". Cups are my suit and Pisces is my sign and Water is my element so this card really speaks to me. 

The final card I drew was supposed to stand for why I had the dream. I drew the Five of Swords. I pretty much got the same thing out of that one that I did the Two of Cups. The Five of Swords is another conflict card, just strengthening my "Pisces issue," if you will. I also find it very interesting that I drew two fives in this spread....Fives stand for conflict, uncertainty, and instability, all of which not only make sense, but pretty much describe exactly how I've been feeling for the past few months or so. The reading was really insightful for me and put my mind at peace about the dream. (I was secretly afraid it was telling me I was going to die in a tornado...)

The trip overall was very relaxing, and exactly what I needed. Unfortunately, it's now back to reality again. (There's that Pisces thing again...) I promise to keep up with my blogging better now! Sorry again for the long wait!

Parentals: Part Two

I told my parents about my tarot cards the other night. And they actually took it REALLY well. I'm so relieved! My Dad was just kinda like whatever, I don't really care lol. But my Mom asked me a few questions, kinda nodded, and said she thought she remembered somebody doing that in high school. Then she asked me if someone got the death card if I thought they were really going to die. Hahaha she was so cool about it, I'm so incredibly happy right now:)

Spreads Spreads Spreads

I finally started a spreads notebook!! :) I currently have 36 spreads in my notebook, and I'm really excited about them! Of course, I'm always looking for more, so if anyone reads this and has some favorite spreads, I would love to hear them!

This past weekend I spent the night with two of my friends and I brought my notebook of spreads and my two decks with me. I ended up doing four readings over the course of the night, two for each of them. I let them pick spreads from my notebook and they went really well! They were both freaking out because of how accurate the readings were, and I think they both really got a lot out of the readings I did both for them. SUCCESS!! I was really excited :)

Spiritual Growth

So I didn't get a chance to do that reading until just now...and it went really well. Actually, it made me cry...(this is not a normal occurrence...in fact, it's rather hard to do). As I mentioned in my last post, I've really been struggling with what I believe in, and where I stand spiritually. It's been very difficult for me because I'm a very spiritual person. Not having that in my life has almost been like not having a core...I feel unbalanced and fragile. All of this is part of the reason I started tarot in the first place. It was the first time I'd felt like I was connected with anything spiritual at all in almost two years. So today I found a spread on http://tarotforum.net/ (one of my favorite sites). It's called the Spiritual Growth Spread. It's a five card spread, laid out like this:

*********5**
*******4****
*****3******
***2********
*1**********

I decided to try it. I pulled out my beloved Shadowscapes Deck and sat down. Before I did the reading, I closed my eyes, and said a prayer out loud. I begged God to give me some guidance, to show me whatever he wanted to show me and whatever I needed to know. I told him how much I'd been struggling and how I really needed some stability and balance in my life. So I wasn't surprised by the first card I drew.

Card One: 
Meaning: Where am I now on my spiritual journey?
Card I Drew: Justice

Justice is all about balance. Just what I seem to be lacking. My current spiritual state is me struggling to find balance and harmony...the book that came with my deck talks about Justice's eyes. They are white, not blind, but blazing with truth. I thought this image was very vivid and effective. That's what I've been searching for: truth.


Card Two: 
Meaning: What is hindering my spiritual growth?
Card I Drew: Nine of Cups (reversed)


This card took me the longest to understand in the reading. It was really puzzling me...there are all of these fish, a huge school of fish, all swimming together, all working as one. But it was supposed to be what was hindering me. I thought about it for a while. And then it hit me. I usually don't read reversals as opposites, I usually think of them more as blocked energy, or repressed feelings. But this card was clearly telling me the opposite. The opposite of being one with a group is being alone. The fish are all swimming together, as if on a journey. But I've been struggling with this for the past two years in silence, only allowing my feelings on the subject to arise when alone. I believe this card is telling me to get out there, and swim with the other fishies! I can't go through life on my own. No matter how scary it may be to open up to other people and admit to my struggles, it is necessary.

Card Three: 
Meaning: What can help me grow spiritually?
Card I Drew: Ace of Swords (reversed)

This one also took me a few minutes to understand. I looked at the card upright, then turned it back to reversed, then read the description in the book, then looked back at the card...and it hit me. Reversed, the hilt of the sword is pointed towards me...almost as if handing it to me. At first I thought it was telling me that it was time to slice and clear away the obstructions in my life to find truth, but once I drew the next card I knew that wasn't the case. (It was telling me to do that, just not yet.) The swans around the sword are also important. They tell me to be lovely and graceful, but also strong and fierce. They also tell me to be unafraid and fight to protect my own...in this case, to protect what I believe. (This also confused me until I drew the next card, since not knowing what I believe is the issue! :P)

Card Four: 
Meaning: What is the next step on my spiritual path?
Card I Drew: Four of Swords

This card really got to me. This is the card that started the crying. This card is all about rest and recovery, freeing your mind and having inner contemplation. But not forever. This is not a card of death, as many people often mistaken it for. It is instead about meditating and clearing your mind and preparing yourself for the battles ahead. She is still holding her sword, ready for the moment when she'll stand up and clear away all the bad and protect her own. (This makes the Ace of Swords make more sense as the third card.) But what really got me where the lotuses around the woman in the picture. The lotuses are symbols of spiritual and mental purity. It says word for word in the book, "They are a living metaphor for a seeker of spiritual truths." When I read that line, I just about fell over. It was just so...real. In that moment, I knew God was listening, and I was overcome with His presence. I may not know the details, but this card let me know that that was ok with God. This whole time I thought he was ashamed that I turned to and from him. But now I know that it's not true. He wants me to go on this journey. He wants me to search and find everything I can to point me in whatever direction I need to be going in. The minute I saw those lotuses, I knew God was listening to me. And for the first time in a long time, I knew that I wasn't alone.
Card Five: 
Meaning: What is possible on this spiritual path?
Card I Drew: Emperor

I just sat down to type what I thought about this card and I was about to write about how my first reaction was "father," and that that didn't make sense to me. But as I thought that the second time around, maybe it does. Could father be pointing to God? In Christianity, God is referred to as The Father. An interesting thought...
Well this card just made me cry even harder. As I said, I was confused at first with this card. I knew the Emperor had to do with father and with strength. But that didn't make complete sense to me. Until I read the description in the book. The last line of the description is this:
"The Emperor is a man rooted in his ways and views and regimens, but confident that this is the right and way of things."
What is possible for me on this spiritual path? Peace. Knowing what I believe, being rooted in it, and being confident in it. That single line gave me hope. I knew God was telling me it was all going to be ok and that I could get through this.

I think this is the most powerful reading I've ever done. It's definitely the most emotional. It gave me hope and peace in knowing that I'm on the right path. What an experience...If I wasn't a believer in tarot before, I sure as heck am now. :)

Can Christ Love Tarot?

So I don't mean to get into a religious rant here, but this is something I've really been struggling with. I've been a Christian my whole life, and when forced to choose, I still put myself in that category. (Haven't decided if that's because I really believe it or because it's the only thing I know.) But I live in a "Christian Dorm." Which is all fine and dandy. The people are really nice and really devoted, and I'm not trying to down Christians here, because like I said, I still identify with a lot of those beliefs. But tarot is a real issue. Nobody here knows that I've been getting into it. Which for one is really hard because I have to hide my readings from people, and I can't do them whenever I please. Which is really really ANNOYING. lol

But it's also really hard for me...because a lot of Christians think tarot is evil. And this makes me very sad. Because it isn't. It's beautiful. It's a wonderful way to communicate with yourself, and God. But a lot of them don't even think about it, they just freak out and say no!! It's evil, you'll go to hell, burn those demon cards!! I mean, I'm obviously not saying all Christians are like that, because they certainly aren't. I've met people that are perfectly fine with it. (Like my new roommate next year!!!) But for every person that isn't, there are several who are. I don't know. It's just something that's really been on my mind lately. I've been struggling with religion on every level lately, from which one I believe in, to whether or not I even believe in religion as a concept. Maybe I should do a reading about it. Maybe I will later tonight, when everyone goes to sleep...

The Parentals

So my parents don't know that I'm into tarot cards. I've been away at college all semester, so there's really been no reason to tell them; it's never come up. But now the semester's almost over, and I'm trying to figure out how to tell them. I don't want it to be a secret or for me to have to try and hide it when I'm at home, but I don't know how to tell them! I don't think they'd freak out or anything...I mean, they're kind of consrevative and they're christians and everything, but they're usually pretty open minded. But...i don't know, I'm just afraid they'll freak out or something! So fingers crossed...I'll be telling them soon! Hopefully it'll go well...

Significators

To use significators, or not to use significators.
That is the question.

In the readings Sarah did for Lou and I, she used the Celtic Cross spread and significators. So I initially assumed that everyone used them. Come to find out, this is not the case. So now I'm trying to decide how I feel on the subject. (For those of you who don't know, a significator is a card chosen to represent the Querent, the person you're doing the reading for). Sarah originally thought I was Queen of Pentacles, which fit as far as what she knew of me. But since then I've done a lot of research and I've found that I'm definitely The Queen of Cups. Everything I read about her fits. But I don't always use her on readings on myself. I usually just decide whether or not I'm going to use a significator or not on the spot. I always do when using the Celtic Cross, and other big spreads like it. But when doing smaller ones, I tend not to. When I'm doing readings on other people, I let them decide. Some people like to use them, and others don't. It's really just matter of personal preference. Although I will admit, I like using mine because I like to show her off...especially in my shadowscapes deck. She's so beautiful!

The Prologue

Laughter erupted from the small living room, wild smiles bright on everyone's faces. My eyes caught Lou Ellen's and her grin spread even wider. The night was more than what we'd expected, even better than we had hoped. I had never felt so comfortable and open in a house before. Nemo's parents didn't care what you said or what you did, they just let you be. It was a concept I wasn't used to at all, my family being somewhat of the opposite, and it was both fascinating and encouraging to me. I was being more "myself" than I usually allowed. And I liked it. Almost as if she could sense this, Lou nodded her head at me. Getting up from the narrow bench lining the opposite wall, she motioned for me to follow her, and led me into the room where my life was about to change.

Sarah sat on her bed, smoking what had to have been at least her sixth cigarette that night. Happy and tipsy with cherry vodka, she insisted we sit down with her, reached over to the side table beside her, and pulled out an old wooden box. Inside was a multicolored velvet bag on top of some old yellowed book. She looked up at us with a huge grin on her face. "You want me to do a reading for you?" she asked in almost childlike excitement. I had heard of tarot cards and such before, but not enough for me to guess that was what she was talking about. Instead we sat there in silence, staring at her, wondering what on earth she meant. But Sarah seemed undaunted by this, carefully pulled the cards from her bag, and set them on the bed in front of us.

She did Lou Ellen's reading first. I sat next to them on the bed in silence and in awe, completely captivated and astonished by what was happening in front of me. The reading seemed to be perfect. Without hesitation, Sarah looked at the ten cards that Lou had carefully chosen, and proceeded to tell her everything she felt, and everything she had in store for her. She squealed in excitement when she turned over one of the cards. A straight faced man sitting on a throne, with a purple cape around him and a huge sword in his hand stared back at us, the words "King of Swords" written beneath him. "This is Nemo's card," Sarah whispered. The Lovers card was soon to follow, and others pointing towards their relationship continuing and prospering. Dear Sarah was practically jumping up and down she was so excited. You might think it was partially from the alcohol. But I don't think so. I think she was just really that excited to think of her son marrying Lou. 

It's kind of ironic that I don't remember my reading near as well as I do Lou Ellen's. Maybe because there were some things in it that I didn't agree with and that I didn't want to think about. But that didn't stop me from thinking about those cards. They were on my mind the rest of the night, and all into the next morning. Their pictures filled my mind, almost daring me to try and figure them out. The next afternoon I practically ran up the stairs to my dorm room, threw my suitcase on the floor, and got online. I wanted to know everything I could, and I quickly ran across a website that told me just that.

I spent everyday afterward looking at that website, and it wasn't long before I made my way to the nearest head shop to buy my own Rider-Waite deck. I held my breath the first time I opened it, and I was so excited I could hardly contain it. It looked just like Sarah's, only newer. I also bought the book that she had in that wooden box, and started studying it. Things were moving pretty quickly and my obsession was quickly growing. I knew that my parents probably wouldn't approve of this, and the christian dorm that I lived in definitely wouldn't either. But somehow it didn't matter. I knew that they weren't evil.

I don't believe that tarot cards can tell the future. And if you do, that's perfectly fine, as we're all entitled to our own opinions and I wholeheartedly respect that. I personally don't think they can. But I really believe that they help you get in touch with your Inner Self; with your subconscious mind. And I also think that they can be used as signs. I pray before I do a reading, and ask that God let me see and know whatever it is He wants me to see and know. It's an opportunity for God to speak to me, with a lot clearer message.

A couple weeks ago I went to my boyfriend's house and he surprised me with a deck I'd been eying, the Shadowscapes deck. Since I've started reading with them, my obsession has gotten even greater and my readings all the better. They seem to speak to me so much more than the other deck, with a lot more fluid answers. They think like me, if you will. That night I did my first reading on someone other than the myself. My boyfriend Tyler seemed to really enjoy it, and thought I did a good job reading about his issue. The deck also came with a book that I've been reading every chance I get.

And that's where I am now. Tarot has really opened some doors for me, and started getting me to think about things differently. And honestly, I'm really excited about it. I decided to start writing this blog as a way for me to express what I'm going through and how I'm feeling on my journey with tarot. Who knows if anyone besides myself will ever read this, but if they do...if you are, then I hope you enjoy it. These are my raw feelings on the issues in my life and how I'm using these cards to help me stay balanced in this insane world. And with that, we shall begin...